I have always thought that if life was exactly the way I wanted it
to be I wouldn’t need to live it! So I deliberately set out to make
things difficult. I always looked for the “feeling bad” part of
everything. And, as you can guess, I always found it. I remember one
particular dance audition, just before I stepped into the room I had the
thought “this feels too easy.” Instantly I was anxious and completely
forgot the steps. I guess I got what I asked for, it wasn’t too easy. In fact
it wasn’t easy at all.
Here’s the thing; life doesn’t have to be difficult. We just make it difficult
because then we feel as though we are doing something. In fact, it
is so easy to get what we want that we don’t believe it. The hard part of
asking for what you want is trusting and waiting for it to show up. Spiritual
teacher, Marianne Williamson, in The Course in Miracles, says the
Course counsels whatever the problem “Ask to see things differently.”
What is so hard about that? Just ask! I’ve tried this, and it really does
work. Ask for anything, anything that will make you happy.
The secret to being happy is… to be happy. Oh sure, I can hear you snickering
already, and how do I just be happy? Lynn Grabhorn, in her book,
Excuse Me Your Life is Waiting, asks us to focus on something that makes
us feel happy for just 16 seconds a day. You can change your life. Imagine,
only 16 seconds! Think of a trip you took, a game well played, a close
friend, someone you love.
When I was studying to be a ballet dancer in New York City, the dancers
would congregate in the hall and wait to go into class. Because we
were all “serious” dancers, we would not be gossiping or gabbing
but stretching and practicing. But we were all watching each other out of the
corners of our eyes. In class most of the dancers would be concentrating
on their moves but I couldn’t get beyond the “before class watching.”
In my mind I was feeling judged and criticized. Why? I was comparing
myself to all the other dancers in the world and coming up short. Which
means that I had taken my focus off my goal, i.e., to be the best dancer
I could be. I had put the focus outside myself by comparing myself to
all the other girls. I also found myself in constant judgment of other
dancers and therefore assumed that they were doing the same of me.
What happens when you lose focus?
Start with your own view and move outward from there. Why do we
pay undue attention to other people? It is a choice, a choice not to pay
attention to ourselves.
It is a choice to look outward instead of inward, where the real work
is. What do we gain from not paying attention to ourselves? We get to
hold on to an identity which is created by our outside world, or how
we think others view us. We see ourselves in other people and yet we
fail to see the reality which is that other people are just mirrors, reflecting
ourselves back to us. I know people who look in the mirror every
day and judge themselves. “You are a failure, you’re fat, and you’re
ugly. You will never get ahead” What if you were to look in the mirror
everyday and say “You are beautiful, you are a great success.” Truly
you would begin to believe these things about yourself.
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